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Magic rush team picker5/15/2023 ![]() This stage may include kids saying things that aren’t true, like how this is a big misunderstanding and they aren’t supposed to be in foster care, or they are going home at the end of the week. This does not mean a foster parent should be shy and withdrawn, nervous, or forgetful and confused it means they should adapt their approach to provide reassurance. ![]() Foster parents must meet a child where they are (emotionally). Children tend to fall into three categories: shy and withdrawn, full of nervous energy, or forgetful and confused. In most cases, it is a shock to the system. They might have been removed from their home by the police in the middle of the night, from school during the day, or transitioning from another foster home or group home. Many children and youth are in this stage when they enter a new foster home. So what does that look like? Let’s take a look. And they are most successful when they have a stable, consistent adult in their life who allows them to experience all of the phases of grief, validates their loss, quietly encourages them, and shows them a path forward. It isn’t heroic and it isn’t without consequence, but they do it. Our kids in care can make it through grief. You were grieving, but you made it (or so I assume, if you are reading this). We felt guilt, anxiety (anyone else wake up with a scratchy throat and panic when all you needed was a humidifier?) that caused over-reactions, heartbreak, and a despair. Most people can recall moments of overwhelm, of fear, of anger, of thinking it wasn’t that bad (especially if you were safe, housed, surrounded by people you loved, and able to work from home without interruption) and then feeling guilty because you knew there were people who were dying. Think back to March 2020 when our routines, social circles, the availability of products, job security, family connections, and almost all aspects of life changed instantly. With all of this lost, it is a wonder that children and youth in foster care are upright. Aside from losing immediate and extended family members from one’s day to day life, children and youth’s losses include (but are not limited to): Many people first think only of the loss of one’s parents and siblings, but as we peel back the layers, we realize that children and youth in foster care suffer a myriad of losses simply by entering care. A child who enters foster care, whether it is shortly after birth or during the late teen years, has become separated from the familiar. Foster care is born out of tragedy and trauma.
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